No Head, Just Shoulders (TV Ads Part 2)

From the country that brought you recent geography nonsense such as Wasilla, Alaska being close to Russia and citizens panicking over the state of Georgia being invaded comes this poorly fact-checked advertisement from Procter and Gamble, selling their medicated hair goop Head and Shoulders.

We'll see how long this thing lasts on the air, but for now, you can only find it on their website. On the bottom of the home page, click on "Commercials and Quotes", and look for the picture matching the genius in the picture leading this post (minus the can of borscht).

If you don't feel like going through all of that bullshit just to watch a crappy commercial, I don't blame you. So, I'll spoil the stupidity here: The point of the ad is he is trying to be smart, and the first supposedly intelligent thing he utters is that Russia is the capital of Moscow. No, it's not intentional, nor done to be funny. It's bad enough these TV ads are becoming markedly and noticeably stupider every day, but its starting to become an "Idiocracy"-level of "Who gives a fuck". Thanks for the affirmation, Procter and Gamble.

My Sanity Has Been Targeted

Sorry for the delay, everyone. I have been busy with a few other writing projects, and have neglected the blog. Of course, this is supposed to be a space for creative thoughts, and I can go weeks without having one, so maybe the off-time was to be expected. In any case...

I FUCKING HATE TELEVISION COMMERCIALS.

Okay, maybe I should elaborate a bit. I don't dislike the idea of commercials to support television programming. It is a necessary evil unless I want my satellite television bill to quintuple. What I am specifically referring to is how immensely idiotic television commercials have become. They are, on the whole, a witless conglomeration suitable only for boosting N-P-K levels in your garden soil. Some companies manage to fall below even this basement standard to make 30-second spots so astoundingly bad, you begin to question the very meaning of existence. With the thought that this may be a running gag within this blog, let's call this the first installment of my inevitably never-ending quest to reveal the bottom of the barrel in TV commercials.

Our first target is, well, TARGET. To be fair, the giant retailer's ads aren't quite as heinous as some other companies that will be reviewed in the future. However, the music they are using is driving me batshit insane.


The reason blood is currently dripping from my nose.

I guess this group is something called the Jonas Brothers. I vaguely remember seeing them advertised during Spongebob Squarepants, but I don't care enough to look it up. Target actually has a series of these "Hello Goodbye" ads running with different versions of the song. Well, different in that the music is changed. What doesn't change is the ritualistic bludgeoning of the "Hello Goodbye" message over and over and fucking over again right into your goddamn skull. Yes, Target, I get it. It's a play on the word "buy". We all get it. Fucking stop it. We know your company is rich, and that you can somehow run 37 half-minute advertisements during Jeopardy. I thought I would be safe from the sniveling, never-were "rock" band watching the "smartest game show on television", but I was really, really incorrect on that matter. Hearing those whiny fucks drilled into my brain makes me want to buy a shotgun and eat a couple of shells.

But I'm getting it at Wal-Mart, they have better prices.