Thoughts During Squats

Think back to one of those times you fucked up really bad. No, not when you left the ice cream on the kitchen counter overnight, or when you locked your keys in your car. I'm talking about the big league shit: Getting caught in a bad lie or cheating on your theoretically significant other, committing a crime that warranted police involvement, or something of that magnitude. The point I am slowly reaching here is that, almost to a person, everyone who does something like that has the exact same thought: "I wish I had never done that." Of course, since genies only appear in Looney Tunes and porn movies, the wish is never granted.

Now take those times something minor has come along, attempting to ruin your day. Let's use the example of some asshole on a cellphone cutting you off on the road. Instead of yelling at the insensitive shithead, start creating a hypothetical situation in your head. Imagine yourself speeding up and ramming that jerk right off the road. Let the daydream carry out: You slide the fucker off the road and into a ravine. Their car explodes, and they are dead. Oh, shit! Now the cops are involved, and you're going to jail for a long while. Damn. Now you're thinking it. You know: "I wish I had never done that."

But wait! You have somehow traveled back in time to the exact moment you made the decision to kill that stupid driver, and you talk yourself out of it! Now, not only are you a time-bending magician, you have accomplished something all of those other sorry people could not. You "never did it". You will feel better about everything and suddenly your day will seem that much better.

It really will.